It’s a blog, not bollocks

Communication barrier almost happens everyday when we’re talkin’, especially semantic barrier, when the language is different. For Chinese, Mandarin and Cantonese are most widely used. Although they can’t be compared, as one is language while another is dialect, but verbally they shared same characteristics. In fact it’s more barrier prone when we mix and match with these 2 "languages", especially when the pronunciation is inaccurate.

I went to S’pore with 2 of my friends 2 weeks ago. One of them is English educated, but studied Mandarin in primary school, so he knows a bit Mandarin and speaks Cantonese to us in college off and on. Sounds cool, but not really when we’re in S’pore, most of the time we speak Mandarin with the local Chinese. He almost offends someone on the day of arrival.

给我"妈"孖的

It was in the morning, his uncle drove us to National University of Singapore (NUS) for breakfast, right after we arrived in S’pore. As we walked on, a stall sellin’ noodles caught his eyes and thus he approached it. He looked at the Wantan Mee, seems delicious and then place his order.

My friend : excuse me, pls gimme a bowl of wantan mee, i want 2 serving.

Hawker : 对不起，我听不懂你在说什么…

My friend : arrrrr…….(thinkin’ how to express in Mandarin) "wo yao yi wan……hun tun mian!" (he’s tryin’ to say 我要一碗云吞面, but sounds like 混吞面)

Hawker : (dun really get what’s he sayin’) har? 什么面？

My friend : (pointin’ at the picture) Wantan 面。

Hawker : 噢…要大的还是小的？

My friend : "wo yao da de" ("我要大的" He speaks with full-confidence)

Hawker : 好的，请你稍候…

*Stood there for ’bout 5 seconds before his stomach started to urge him to ask for more.*

My friend : Excuse me. (pause for a while as he doesn’t know how to ask for 2 servin’, but eventually he speak in cantonese) "bei ngo ma gei" (俾我孖嘅 - means give me double)

Hawker : 你要什么？

My friend : (Try very hard to think how to say "double" in Mandarin) Errrrrrr…….errr……(Still can’t come up with a better phrase, thus he decided to directly translate it) "gei wo…ma de" (his translation was 给我孖的)

Hawker : (Astonished and stare at him) HAR？

My friend : (thought he can’t hear so speak louder) "GEI WO…MA DE" (all in his mind is 给我孖的, never know what’s the problem)

*Obviously everyone heard "给我，妈的" !*

Hawker : (looks grim) 你想怎么样？你要些什么？

My friend : (raised his middle finger and forefinger, in a ‘V’ shape) "ma de" (sounds exactly like "妈的")

Hawker : (become irritated and turn away, speechless) ……

*Luckily we approach him in time and talked to the hawker*

Me : 老板，对不起，他的面要双份。

Hawker : 好的。(stops awhile and says) 你朋友真怪…

Me : (Smilin’ but juz kept quiet) ……

My friend kept starin’ at me, still dunno what happened. I briefly explained to him and he laugh out loudly…

水饺

Felt embarrassed on the first day, he had learnt a lesson. But very soon he faced another embarrassin’ situation again, on the fourth day. In the afternoon, we went to walk around S’pore city, then settled our lunch in one of the food court. My friend once again wanted to order food on his own. Fine, juz leave him alone. He found his way to a dumpling stall, intended to get a bowl of dumpling with soup. So he approach the stall, saw 2 ppl standin’ there; one man wearin’ apron standin’ before the wok; another one is a pretty gal wearin’ sexy attire, holdin’ a bowl in her left hand.

Without any hesistance my friend walked towards the gal and speak to her. Who cares ’bout the old man. He wanted place his order to the gal. Never realize that, in fact the gal is a CUSTOMER!! She’s tryin’ to pick some "side order" into the bowl and pass to the old man (the hawker). Too bad my friend never know this. He straight away approach the gal.

My friend : xiao jie, wo yao….sui jiao (intended to say 小姐，我要水饺)

Gal : (obviously she doesn’t know what’s happenin’) 我想你搞错了……

My friend : (very quickly he thought of askin’ for the price, hence he restructures the phrase and say again) sui jiao yi wan duo shao qian? (translated into mandarin would be "水饺一碗多少钱？")

Gal : (Look at him, dunno what to say) 我…

My friend : (so smug cuz he can speak Mandarin) xiao jie, sui jiao yi wan, duo shao qian? (he’s tryin’ to ask 小姐，水饺一碗，多少钱？)

*everyone turns to him and stared at him, with different expression on their face; some surprise, some ribald, and even some with obscene smile.

Gal : (gazed at him, feel so irritated)……

We senses something’s wrong and rush over, try to give some assistance. It’s juz split second, fortunately we pull him away and apologize to that gal. She was juz ’bout to raise her hand (I think wanted to slap him…hee..hee…). Again, my friend was so perplexed. "What’s goin’ on?", he asked. Without sayin’ a word, we dragged him away, far away from the food court.

Can’t figure out what’s wrong with it? The point is the phrase : 小姐，水饺一碗多少钱？My friend’s command of language is not good for Mandarin, so his pronunciation is not accurate. It sounds like……小姐，睡觉一晚多少钱？Erm….this guy is really frightening. I can’t predict what’s he gonna say next…

**Please note that this is a real life story, and it is not exaggerated. I’m tellin’ the whole thing exactly as it is. Wanna know who’s the one I’m talkin’ about? =)

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